Today, I had an auction removed from auction site eBay.co.uk on the grounds that they “don’t allow items or memorabilia associated with the Nazi Party.” No, it wasn’t one of Hitler’s napkins I was flogging, just an innocent Sex Pistols print from my humble collection of Jamie Reid art.
The offending article
Company magazine have done a special blogging issue! And, er, I’m in it. The whole features section was written by bloggers - everyone from Belle du Jour writing about sex to ‘the style bitches’ writing about celeb fashion, while political bloggers even interviewed the three party leaders.
The latest edition of Company
My piece is about a nightmare I had while blogging on this very site, with a happy ending. Anyway, I should tell you to buy Company, out now, at all good newsagents.
My little bit
We get pitched the same four ideas almost every week at Loaded. It’s funny, but also quite fascinating. I’ve always wanted to get to the bottom of why some really respectable (and some not) journalists keep sending us these ideas!
1. “Did you know, in Cambodia for $50-250 USD you can blow up a cow with a bazooka, or for $2 shoot a chicken with a pistol! Loaded have to do it!”
FACT: This is a myth. Sorry. For everyone whose brother/cousin/mate claims to have done this, there is not one photograph or YouTube video in existence. You’d think, after paying $250 to explode a cow, you might take a photo? On this evidence, we’re not sending you. (And, it would make a really grim story).
2. Running of the bulls.
WE SAY: It happens. We know what happens. The bulls run through town. Do we need to go there?
3. Burning Man Festival
WE SAY: You want to go to a mental festival in the Nevada Desert and take drugs on our expenses? Sadly, a Loaded journalist got there first in 1995. 15 years ago.
4. a) “I’m going to learn poker” (this journalist has often helpfully already looked into potential flights to Vegas, or the Bahamas.)
b) How to win a million pounds at poker.
WE SAY:
a) Yawn. Man plays cards.
b) Win the £1,000,000 first, then you’re on.
5. Cheese Rolling
WE SAY: No, no, no, no….
As post bags go, this personal threat from Britian’s most notorious prisoner, Charles Bronson, has to be one of my favourites. Bronson was imprisoned for seven years in 1974, yet his sentence has been repeatedly extended for crimes committed within prison, which include wounding with intent, wounding, criminal damage, grievous bodily harm, false imprisonment, blackmail and threatening to kill. The 2009 film, ‘Bronson’, is a violent biopic of his life.
There are many ideas that never get round to being made at Loaded. Here are my top five ‘monkey tennis’ pitches on our to-do list.
1. Shoot a celebrity at a model village. the village have already told us they hate Loaded and no celebrity will travel outside the M25. But it must happen. there are plans to break in.
2. Dean’s Machines. Dean Gaffney tests the latest motors, with Wellard sticking his tongue out the window.
(Fact: Gaffney agreed to this once.)
3. Chico’s Time. Reality TV star Chico models designer watches. (Fact: Chico’s people didn’t return our call).
4. Lenny Henry cover exclusive. When the cover isn’t decided till late in the production schedule, some wag will always suggest Lenny for the cover.
Coverline: Awooga!
(Fact: Awooga was in fact not Lenny Henry’s catchphrase)
5. Jap’s Eye.
Jap Stam’s column on world football. (Fact: this once appeared as a column in 2004). Never to return.
They don’t often let journalists interview players from the team they support, but I was lucky enough to meet Peter Crouch for an interview in this month’s Loaded. Look how stupidly small I look next to him (I’m 5′9″).
We were recreating that Skinner and Baddiel World Cup thing with custard...
I was in New York at the weekend on a story, and I took my camera. Some more snaps available on my Flikr page.
This is their second edition. Like a tricky second album, Loaded’s Ukranian brothers have toiled over this issue. You’ve got to feel the paper stock…pure quality, about twice the thickness of British Loaded. Anyway, it’s always funny to see your work translated into Ukrainian. Enjoy…
'Sexy' coverstar
Just found these snaps. I much enjoyed my second trip to Tokyo because I was a little bit more prepared for the food situation. And I took my Canon S80.
65% of the British public paid 50p to vote for a man who recently starred in a violent rape flick, called ‘Killer Bitch’, to win a television show. Musclebound Alex Reid, who was filmed strangling a woman, later celebrated a cage fighting victory by posing for photographs, both biceps up, with his foot on the head of his unconscious opponent. I seemed to be the only one on the Internet to voice a protest, with the tweet, ‘if Alex Reid wins this, I’m leaving the country’.
It was retweeted back at me countless times, and one Twitterer even offered me a ticket to Iraq, because Alex mysteriously became the nation’s favourite. Vinnie Jones rightly predicted it was, ‘an impossible feat to turn the British public around in just three weeks.’ But you know, I’m all for remarkable comebacks. I love it when the bad turn it round and become the hero. Jones is a case in point. He committed GBH on the football field, chomped the nose of a journalist, and ended Gary Steven’s career, but, remarkably, became an accomplished actor, mellowed out in LA, and turned his attention to acting instead of hell-raising. He loves his wife, whom he nearly lost during the birth of his daughter- a fact he kept away from the Big Brother cameras.
I ghost Vinnie Jones’ column in Loaded, and he’s among a number of our regulars who are born again heroes. Who would have backed Richard Bacon to survive that cocaine scandal? Us Brits seem to love the fallen hero: Knock ‘em down, and build ‘em up again. Jade Goody was a racist and a bully, but in her battle with cancer she somehow vindicated herself to the public.
Which brings me back to Reid. Was this his turnaround moment? No. He simply got paid £100,000 to appear on a television show (remember when CBB used to be for charity?) it ended, and he got the most votes. In three weeks he managed to not cross-dress, not mention his girlfriend (the most hated woman in Britain), and not appear in violent pornography. Fifty pence? Money well spent, after all, he’s giving it all to charity. Isn’t he?
